Good Ol’ Days
“My grandfather had a firmly held belief that any drink served in a restaurant should cost no more than 10 cents per glass.
So if the restaurant charged $1.50 for a sweet tea with free refills, he would sit there until he’d drank at least 15 glasses. Nobody else could leave until he finished.”
“I worked in a pizza place for a bit each afternoon in high school. One woman called to complain about a strand of long blonde hair in her pizza. I informed her it was only me, with short black hair and the bald delivery guy working at the time. She told me she deserved her next order free because ‘It was between the layers of cheese.’ What? If you’ve ever made a pizza in your life then you know it is either on top of the cheese or underneath.
I told her that I wasn’t able to help. That was when the delivery driver walked through the back door, grabbed the phone from my hand, shouted ‘IF YOU WANTED TO SCAM A FREE PIZZA FROM US, YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT ME WITH MORE THAN A $0.05 TIP!’
And hung up the phone. He showed me the nickel. Apparently, she had exact change for the pizza, counted it out in front of him, and handed him the nickel, and said ‘This is for your trouble.’
Mind you, this was a woman in her mid-30s who seemed to be hosting a dinner party and got a party size pizza with a huge side order of wings. I think it came to like $70 altogether.”
Too Grossed Out
“Back when I used to go to bars/clubs regularly, I had gotten a table with bottle service with another friend. We were waiting for a few more friends to arrive before we started drinking one of the bottles.
There was this well-known moocher at the club who used to make the rounds trying to score free drinks. He made his way to our table and tried to pour himself a glass, but we stopped him and told him we were waiting for some people to arrive.
He said, ‘Cool’ and then grabbed the leftover drink that I had sitting on the table.
It was pretty much just back-wash, and I was too disgusted to stop him.
At least he got his free drink.”
“A woman brought a cooler into McDonald’s. The kind you use to store several cans and ice, and she bought a large sweet tea and started pouring it straight into the cooler.
When she saw someone staring at her, she said, ‘Free refills.'”
Nice Try, Pal
“I was at a restaurant with a group of buddies from work. So this one new guy ordered boneless chicken wings and a side order of fries and a soda. As we were finishing our meals and deciding what we were all doing the rest of the evening, we asked for our checks.
The waitress, who has been exceptional for such a big group, handed the new guy his check, and he responded with, ‘Hey, your chicken wings sucked and the fries were cold.’
He had eaten all of the food and dared to ask her to refund the money to his card. She came back with her manager and apologized and told him that his card had been refunded, to which he responded ‘the tip too?’ Oh, it set all of us off, we told him to get his crap and leave. Then we each tipped the girl $20 bucks extra.
She made about $200 in tips for dealing with that jerk.”
Who Raised You?
“When I worked at a coffee shop, people would try to take money out of our tip jar. Tipping wasn’t mandatory; it was just for when a customer wanted us to have extra. I had people go ‘Oh, I’m short,’ and rummage through the jar for two dollars.
I had to stop more than one customer and tell them it wasn’t a free goodies jar for you to buy that extra doughnut, you jerk.”
Stupidity Ending In Arrest
“I used to work at a Chili’s. If you sat in the bar area, you got ‘free’ chips and salsa.
Technically, they weren’t free because you got one bowl with each entree purchased. However, the bar typically had parties of two or four, and most people didn’t eat their entrees right away, so it was never an issue.
This lady came in one day with her four children. She had to have been at least 250 pounds. She ordered water for everyone and chips. They devoured the first plate; I brought out a second. They devoured that, so I brought a third.
I asked if I could take an order, and she told me they were waiting for more people.
At this point, I knew something’s up, and while I was in the back, I saw her kids stuffing chips into Ziplock bags.
I had to have brought out nearly a dozen refills on the chips before they tried to leave.
My manager intercepted them before they got up and dropped a $50 bill on their table (each bowl was $4.99).
She started complaining that chips and salsa were free, so he called her out on the ziplock bags.
Long story short, she had no money on her, the cops got called, and she got arrested (or at the very least escorted out of the restaurant).
We didn’t honor her stunts, and we never saw her again.”
“I was on a double date at a restaurant with a buy one, get one for $1 coupon.
My wife and I shared one big fajita entree. Our friends did the same. They also bought a large margarita. We drank water.
When the bill came, our friend put down a dollar and said something like ‘Ah so, you bought an entree and here is my $1.’
I was in shock.
Luckily, her fiancé gave her a nasty look and offered to pay half and for their drink.
They eventually divorced.”
“I worked for a short time as a luxury travel agent, and agents gets tons and tons of free stuff all the time. Every day there would be venders setting up in the conference room for breakfast, lunch and afternoon snacks, which we got for free, we just had to go listen to the vendors’ pitch.
This would totally go to some of the old-school agent’s heads. The agents in the office next to mine were notoriously cheap, especially the sixty-something year old boss. They would push their way into the conference room, throw their business card in the general director of the poor venders, and take as much food as possible. Multiple plates piled high. I’d pass their office and the food would be just sitting out on the desks uneaten. The boss was known for showing up at vendor-sponsored dinners and events with his wife (uninvited), and they’d bring plastic ziplock bags and fill them with food from the buffet to take home. He made a ton of money, so it wasn’t out of necessity, he was just insanely cheap and entitled.
My favorite story about him was that our company used to go around the offices some Friday afternoons in the summer with an ice-cream cart, and everyone would grab something. One each because we’re adults in a professional workplace. Not this guy. He filled a manila envelope with like 20 ice creams, labeled in PROPERTY OF [NAME] DO NOT TOUCH!!!! and put it in the office freezer. My sassy coworker used to go steal ice creams from the envelope all the time for our office just to spite him. Tasted so good.”
Maple Bar Bandit
“I worked at a car dealership. 1 or 2 times a week vendors would bring in doughnuts. We had a big fat slobby service writer when he saw them walking up with doughnuts he would take them and put them in his cabinet so he could bring them home to his wife at lunch.
I noticed him do this one morning so when he was speaking to a customer i took the dozen and put them in the show room by the coffee where they are supposed to go. They were for our customers. Any way he told the service manager that I broke in to his desk and stole his and his wife’s lunch.
The manager called me in. I explained. He got written up for taking the customers doughnuts. The boss said he wondered why no one brought doughnuts to use any more. On a side note a month later he had a heart attack. Karma. That will teach him to be a maple bar bandit.”
Fishing Out A Meal
“I used to work at a fish and chips restaurant that had an ‘all you can eat’ option, as well as all the other typical options. I wasn’t in school at the time, so I worked a lot of day shifts. Maybe once every two weeks, we had this family of 15-20 people come in, and they would constantly try to share the all you can eat meal.
They would order one for the kids to share and another for the adults. It wasn’t as if they weren’t familiar with the system, seeing as they came in so regularly. We would have to bring out the manager or owner every time they came in and would argue for much too long until they finally agreed to order appropriately.
Then there was the group of people who ordered one drink with a ridiculous amount side cups.
Of course, they were expecting that they could share one ‘bottomless’ pop with the entire table. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.
My personal favorite was one Friday night, my coworkers and I were sitting at the staff table after finishing work.
We had a pretty good view of the rest of the tables. There was a group of guys sitting at one of the tables, and they were eating their all you can eat meal. They were bigger guys, which accounts for the massive amounts of food they were ordering, but they had been there for a while, and we were waiting for them to head out so we could close up the restaurant.
One of my coworkers nudged me, and I glanced over to see one of these guys putting the fish and chips into his shirt. Sure enough, that was what they had been doing with the majority of their food.
We were laughing at them (they hadn’t realized they’d been caught at that time) and trying to figure out where all that fish was going.
They eventually left, and we looked outside to see these guys, just ecstatic with their feat, stripping off their outer layers and displaying disgusting, grease-soaked, fish and chips filled t-shirts tucked into their pants.
That last one would usually bother me, but it was quite frankly pretty funny to watch.
Not sure how appetizing that food would be, after having to ‘fish’ it out of your shirt.”
They’re Pretty Good, Though
“My grandma would take my brother and sister to a restaurant, and instead of buying us milk, she’d make us drink the tiny creamers.”
Take It Where You Can Get It
“We used to frequent a bar when we were younger because they accepted our fake ID’s and sold $1 drinks on Friday nights. I’ll never forget the night one of my mates came up to me when it was my turn to buy and told me that he would like to opt out of that round and if I could give him the $1 instead.”
“My friend was notorious for being cheap. At parties or potlucks where we all brought food to share, she would monitor her dishes and scold people if they took too much. She would also bring Tupperware and bring home all the leftovers.
She didn’t even give people the chance to take their own food home, or worse, she would start piling the food in Tupperware halfway through the party. We finally called her out on it and stopped inviting her to our parties.
Before we stopped hanging out with her, a big group of us went to a Brazilian steakhouse for a celebration of one of our friends.
We all agreed to pay for ourselves and split our friend’s tab because that’s what normal people do. My friend and I had actually won gift cards to the restaurant at an event we were at, and we were going to pay for everyone.
At most, people would only pitch in for tips. As soon as we got there, my cheap friend made a big deal about separate tabs and making sure the server knew she was only paying for her and her husband and a portion of our friend’s bill.
We didn’t say anything about the gift cards at this point, and all of us except the cheapos were ordering drinks and appetizers. She was losing her mind about the portion she had to pay for our friend.
We ended up having a great time anyway.
She was livid when the bill came because our friend had two drinks and a dessert. None of the rest of us gave a crap we were there to have fun and celebrate, and I told her I would pay her portion. She was visibly relieved and going on and on about it ‘just being fair.’
I told the server that I was paying for everyone but the cheapos before handing over the gift cards which were even enough to cover tip since we didn’t have to pay for cheapos’ dinners. The looks on their faces were priceless.
They couldn’t believe we wouldn’t pay for their meals and kept saying how unfair it was. We never went out to dinner with them again.”
People Are lame
“I work at Subway. People go through a lot to get free food.
There was one guy who came in after eating his entire footlong and complained that there weren’t enough jalapeños and demanded a free sandwich.
Another time a guy who came in a few hours after purchasing his food came with a small bit of sandwich and a huge moth in it, saying it was in our spinach and didn’t notice us putting it in the sandwich.
The best part was he showed all of us pictures of moths on his phone that he found in his house. He demanded 15 free footlongs and kept bragging about how great he was for not suing.
A younger kid came in with a knife bigger than his sandwich, saying he took a bite and ‘found it in there.’
We also used to give out free cookies on Sundays, and it would always be two random less popular flavors. One day a lady called the store three times within an hour to angrily tell me how much she did not like the flavor of her free cookie.
I ended up having to give her a free cookie of her choice. People are lame.”
A Fun Dinner Date
“A British guy I worked with in China (we were English teachers) would come to lunch or dinner with a group of us regularly, but he never ordered anything. We’d all order drinks and a bunch of food (all dirt cheap, since this was China in the early 2000s).
He would say he was not hungry or thirsty. After five minutes, he’d ask for a glass and ‘have a little of our drink.’ Next thing we knew, he had a pair of chopsticks and would be shoveling food in like crazy.
The bill eventually came, and when we were all chipping in, he made some comment about how ‘he didn’t order anything.’ This happened multiple times before our collective patience had been exhausted. He then proceeded to label us ‘homophobic’ (he was gay) because we didn’t invite him out and actively avoided him.
“My buddy always asked for water, a plate of lemons, and sweeteners then made his own crappy lemonade. He had a good job and was living in a house his parents bought him. I almost felt the need to tell the waiter I was a good tipper at new restaurants because I was afraid we would both be branded cheap jerks from the start. Thankfully when he got married, his wife made him stop being such a tight embarrassment.”
The Worst Tipper Of All Time
“A buddy of mine is the worst tipper I’ve ever met in my life. Our server at Buffalo Wild Wings one time ‘brought refills too quickly’ causing her to ‘frequently interrupt our discussion.’ To him, this meant she didn’t deserve a tip from him at all.
After my buddies and I scolded him for a while, he left a 5-percent tip. We figured this was as good as he was going to get. However, after we all left, I looked back and saw that he took his tip money and put it back in his pocket.”
A True Lunatic
“When I delivered pizza, there was a guy who ordered from us several times a week, and the conversations would go like this:
Customer: ‘How much is that?’
Customer: ‘Okay. Tell the driver I’m paying with a $20 bill, and I want one $1.65 back.’
He never tipped, never smiled, and never said thank you. One Friday night, his order was the final of a six-order run, and the previous customers had taken all my change. I ended up shorting him a dime and apologized.
By the time I got back to the store, my boss was on the phone trying to calm him down because, to quote, ‘I refused to give him his change.'”
When Being Cheap Is The Right Move
“I worked at Tim Hortons when my wife and I first got married. I have an education, but as an immigrant, I could not get a work visa yet. However, they did the paperwork so that I could work to make ends meet.
I always volunteered to take the garbage outside, when no one else would even consider it because it afforded me one special opportunity.
When changing the cans, I’d look for cups from McDonald’s, which had those little stickers, and if you get six, you could redeem them for a free coffee.
This is how my wife and I could ‘afford’ coffee for the first year or so our marriage.
Not many consider it a luxury, but for us, it was. We did not have money floating around to buy daily or even weekly coffees.
At Tim Hortons, you can only drink coffee during the shift that you work, so I could not bring anything home.
I don’t feel bad about it. Is it cheap? Yes. As that old saying goes, if it’s stupid and it works, it’s not stupid. We made it through our tough times, and now we don’t have to worry about that again.
I was happy to do things like that so we could put our hard-earned money towards necessities, not luxuries.”
On The Dot
“I went to an ice cream shop last weekend and got an ice cream float. When the lady was putting ice cream into the glass, she put it on a scale and scooped up the tiniest sliver to ice cream and put it back in the display case.
It couldn’t have been more than $0.05 worth of vanilla that she put back.”
All For $3
“I saw something last week that has me a bit shocked, even now. Every week, my daughter and I do pizza night from Little Caesar’s. It’s cheap, it’s filling, and she likes it, so it’s a win-win.
While I was waiting for my order, a guy came in and asked if they had any sausage pizzas.
They told him they had just put one in and asked if that was what he wanted. He did, so they rang it up, and he paid. Then when the pizza came out, he said, ‘What do you mean, sausage? I ordered pepperoni.
If I’m going to have to wait, I want some free bread.’
The new shift manager who had just come in after this guy came in, agreed and took care of him. This was all happening while the other employees and I were sitting there in shock that this guy had the stones to do that to get a $3 order of bread for free.
After he walked out, and I got my pizza, I talked to the employees and said, ‘I heard him order a sausage pizza, I watched you ring him up for sausage. I’m not nuts, am I?’ They had all seen/heard the same.”
“I was delivering pizza and had a guy say ‘I talked with [manager’s name], and he said this one was on the house.’ I had already handed him the pizza before accepting payment, and I was kind of gullible on that one.
I didn’t think to call the manager and check if it was legit or not.
I got back to the store and told the manager what happened, and he was like ‘Dang it, that guy again. Alright, well he’s blacklisted now.'”
“There’s a place in our town that offers an all you can eat seafood buffet. My granddad loves it and around once a month he invites everyone in the family to go. We all do because it’s nice to catch up and see everyone.
My granddad has a sister who is incredibly tight with money, so tight it’s cringe-worthy because she refuses to pay for a seafood buffet and because he wants everyone to be together, my granddad pays for his sister to come.
A little while ago we all began to notice that for a little old lady, whenever she comes to the seafood buffet, she carries a comically large handbag. She has been stacking her plate full of food and transferring it into plastic food containers she stores in her purse.
She has been essentially bringing home a week’s worth of seafood every time she goes out.”
“During Lent, a place near me has all you can eat fish or clam strips for a set price on Friday night. There are rules: You can’t eat one order, then another, and then ask for a third order to go. You have to eat it there.
One time, I saw a guy try to take it home, and they said no. So he ordered it anyway. The clams came, he paid the bill, and the second the waitress left, I saw him take out his handkerchief (which I pray was clean), dump all the second order of clams on it and pulled the corners up like a hobo’s sack and walked out.”
Games Over Guys
“My sister worked at Wendy’s. There was one group of people that would go in regularly. They would all order together, and then repeatedly change their orders. If their orders were wrong, they’d get the food free.
The manager got tired of this. The next time they came in, he waited on them personally.
When he brought out their food, they complained the orders were wrong. He said that they were not wrong and that they were not getting anymore free food. One of the guys said, “F… you!”
The manager smiled and replied, ‘F… you, too, Sir. And have a nice day'”
“I’m constantly having to stop my mom from stealing things from restaurants. She likes ramekins in particular.”
We’re On To You Lady
“My great aunt would take us to lunch when we were kids, mostly Wendy’s, but also other fast food places. She’d always get the biggest burger on the menu, eat 3/4 of it, then take it to the front and complain about something. They’d refund her her meal every single time. When I got to be 8-9 y/o I started to skip those lunches as it was just to embarrassing. All the local places were onto her, so she would make a bigger and bigger scene each time. Crazy old lady.”
“I’ve seen my dad put plastic wrap over a soda and come back to it a week later. Flat as the great plains.”
Dang It, L
“Well one of us, let’s call him L is cheap. One fine afternoon we walk into a bar and L’s girlfriend approaches the bartender to order a drink. L sees his opportunity and slides over to his lady to ask if she’ll order him something and is quickly denied, because he is a cheap monster. L then proceeds to approach me and ask the same question only to be denied once more, rinse and repeat on our other 4 friends. Finally L let’s out an audible sigh and pulls out his wallet and buys himself a $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon, then proceeds to complain to us that he is trying to save for a new video card so his computer can run 2 at once. The bartender bought his GF’s drink and said to dump him.
This other one has happened countless times. We’ll all be outside having a smoke and L proceeds to try and bum off of any and everyone in sight, once he is denied by everyone, because he is cheap, he will once again let out a loud audible sigh and get his own cigarettes out of his car less than 10 feet away. His excuse is always ‘well I was saving these ones, cigs are expensive!’
This fucker has 2 cars, one of which has $10,000+ of race components on it with multiple sets of wheels, multiple extremely high end computers etc. Won’t even pay for his girlfriends lunch and will usually try to get her to cover his half as well. If you’re reading this L, you know who you are, stop being a cheap monster.
L always tries to disappear outside if we haven’t split our bill yet, L tries to bum any and every thing you can bum. L wouldn’t buy his girlfriend back if she was held hostage for any more than $12.50 and he’d probably ask us to foot the bill first.
The most aggravating part is L is always buying expensive luxury shit like $4000 drones just to fuck around with and thinks because he wants to buy something everyone else should pay for his everyday expenses and he is “saving”. L is also convinced he was the poorest kid at our high school and had it rough, but poor kids don’t get the real electronic lego trains for Christmas, blow me.
Edit: Just to add, my other friend, L and I are like brothers and we all have things we do that make us want to murder each other. L, however, is the only one who’s flaws are financially based. Love you hombre.”